Dear Mom

It's true what they say, whoever "they" are, that you don't truly appreciate your mom until you become a mother yourself. Maybe appreciate isn't the right word. There are plenty of people in this world who don't have kids that appreciate their moms. It's easy to see the love, patience, sacrifice and stamina mommas have without being one yourself. But I think you don't really understand what it is to be a mother until you become one. You don't understand the anxiety of bringing your babies home from the hospital and thinking now what? until you're living that moment. You don't understand the long nights, the hormonal changes, the frustration of a c-section recovery until you're in the middle of it all realizing that this is now your life.

The past six weeks I've had one goal: keep the tiny humans alive. Every week you have come to my house to help me accomplish that goal. You've sat with me for 3 am feedings, listened to my incoherent babble about unrealistic breastfeeding expectations, and reminded me that I need to let my body heal. You've taken all the overnight feedings, not once or twice, but many times, so Alex and I could sleep. You've gotten teary eyed watching me cry as I look at their beautiful little faces. You've practically force fed me apples and prunes and other fiber rich foods to help get my body back on track. You always have a water bottle in hand because you know I won't drink enough water otherwise. You're in the trenches of dirty diapers and spit up, bottle washing, bathes and wardrobe changes and somehow still finding time to clean my entire house and do all our laundry too. 

Grandmas have an extra hard job because they don't just take care of their grandchildren, they take care of their children too. You have taken such great care of me, and not just in the past six weeks. There are 29 years worth of examples I could write about. In these last six weeks I've learned that being a mom is about putting others first. You have put my family first every day you've been here. There isn't a selfish bone in your body. I hope I can be as selfless as I grow into my role as a mother.

Mom, you are an incredible human being. You taught me to be kind, to treat others how I want to be treated. You taught me to love by showing me the best example of love by loving Dad. You taught me to have high expectations for my friends and to not settle for people who didn't appreciate me - you taught me quality over quantity in relationships. You taught me discipline and self motivation which allowed me to excel in school preparing me for adult life and work. You taught me to have fun and not take life too seriously. I'm sure you tried to teach me patience and that lesson didn't quite stick (haha!) but don't worry, I'm learning patience now. I think I will need a lot of it in the years to come with my girls. You taught me to be strong. I'm sure I wasn't always an easy child growing up and I'm positive my girls will not always be this adorable and perfect. I'll need to have thick skin for the first time they say they hate me or deliberately disobey me. And I'll need to be able to be strong enough to forgive them even when they don't ask for forgiveness as you've forgiven me over an over again for my shortcomings. 

In short, you've spent the last 29 years teaching me how to be a mom. I'd like to say I'm ready now and you can take a break, but we both know that's not true. You'll always be teaching me new things as I lean into you with each new phase the girls enter into. I'll need help once they become mobile and I don't know how to reign them in and I'll definitely be calling you when they go to kindergarten and I can't keep the tears at bay or when they start dating and I lose my cool because I'm not ready for them to grow up. 

Thank you for loving me, for supporting me, for guiding me, for disciplining me when necessary, and for preparing me for the role of a life time, the role of "mom".

Happy Mother's Day. I love you.